You Can’t Wear That!

Wear What You Want And Own It

Being a dance student I find myself constantly in front of a mirror looking at myself, picking out flaws in my dancing, however, I don’t just find flaws in my technique I find them in my body as well. Sometimes it’s extremely hard to be body confident when it’s so easy to see things ‘wrong’ however these imperfections are something that exists only in my head, such as the inside of my elbow shows too much when I hang my arms down or that I have rounded hips which lead to muscular thighs. It has taken me a very long time to accept my body for what it is, I have had my weight change dramatically and since starting uni in September I have lost almost 2 stone (going from 10.4 stone to 8.5 stone ~ I’ll let you do the conversion…although now in 2018 I’m back up to 10.4 stone and feeling a lot more confident in myself.) however it’s not how much I weigh that concerns me in the slightest as I’ve never been someone that’s obsessed with the scales. Well actually at one stage in my life I was obsessed with being the lowest weight I possibly could and I stay 4.5 stone for a couple of years through the unhealthy means of binge eating and purging, and I’m telling you that isn’t healthy for your health both physically and mentally, but It’s Okay Not To Be Okay.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized women come in sorts of shapes and sizes, and it’s important you identify your shape in order to dress for it, for example, I have an hourglass figure, therefore low rise jeans are the least flattering thing to exist for me, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t perfect for someone else. I have also found that by eating healthier I am happier with my body because I know I’m eating the right stuff to keep my body healthier and if it happens that I can a couple of pounds then so be it, but the most important thing is being healthy. I literally cannot stress enough how important it is to put your health first, and in all honesty, most people don’t care if you have a bit of extra weight on your hips or your thighs jiggle when you walk. People that point out your imperfections are the people that are hiding the most insecurities and therefore they have to bring your self-esteem down to make them feel better. This is something I’ve learnt during my time at university, as I have lived in a flat of girls (all of the very different sizes and ethnicity) and I’ve never heard anyone say a bad thing about anyone else’s figure, instead everyone compliments each other when we look nice.

What is perceived in the media as ‘perfection’ is a lie some people just aren’t meant to be size 0 or have a thigh gap, I know for a fact I’m one of these people. I’m a UK size 8-10 (American 4-6) so it’s not like I’m huge and the biggest I have is being a UK 12 (US 8), but I’m quite a naturally small person, standing it at only 5″ with size 3 feet, and although I have larger breasts and hips I have a very small waist (25 inches). For ages I tried to hide my waist because I thought it looked out of proportion to the rest of my body, when in fact, I should have been embracing it, the amount of times I’ve had people be like “I’d die to have a waist like yours” or “How did you get your waist so small?” and I just haven’t known how to answer, because I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment or a criticism. As I mentioned earlier I have large breasts, and I was an early bloomer so I experienced bully over this (I had the whole ‘she stuffs her bra’ kind of rumors) and it broke my confidence so much, because it’s something I hated, but they just kept growing, no matter how much I exercised or ate healthily. I used to dread going for underwear fittings in the fear of what size they were going to tell me because I believed that if I was over a 32C then I was abnormal and I had many panic attacks over this, and I normally ended up having to run out of a shop before I even began to calm down. However now I have learnt to embrace my boobs, sure they big and they jiggle slightly, but not really any more than anyone else and it does annoy when guys sexualise me because of them because they’re really just lumps of stuff that are there to feed any children I may have.
Now I have a lot healthier diet, and exercise regularly I find myself loving my body more and more every day, plus it’s a lot easier to go clothes shopping when you know what suits you and what doesn’t. Obviously I still have days where I feel disgusting and just want to hide my body under the baggiest clothes I own, but I try not to because I know if I see myself in a reflection then I will end up feeling even worse in the long run so it’s better if I put on something simple, like a pair of black skinny jeans and a plain t-shirt or jumper. Just because I know how to dress for my figure doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes make errors still like I might plan an outfit that I think is going to look super cute and then it ends up looking like trash when I put it on, but everyone has those moments. The important is how you come back from that moment, whether you give up and cancel your plans or you find another outfit that makes you look rocking.

When the fashion of white jeans came in recently I was so terrified to join in, to me white had always been a colour that only ‘thin’ people could wear not people like me. However, on a trip to Primark I bit the bullet and brought a pair of high waisted white jeans (very similar style to the Topshop Joni jeans) and I thought ‘hey if I don’t like them it’s not too bad because I only paid £10’ however I ended up loving them. It took a couple of wears around the house before I was confident enough to go outside in them, but I literally have received so many compliments while wearing them, and it made me wonder what I was even scared of in the first place. Since buying these jeans I have also begun wearing blue jeans and dark red jeans, which is something I never did before as I stuck just to black jeans because they were easy to style and looked flattering. However, there was one point in my life in which I wouldn’t even touch jeans because I thought they made my hips and thighs look bigger than what they were and therefore I lived in skater dresses and skater skirts and anything else that was loose fitting around my hips. It was until last summer that I was confident to go out without any tights on in summer, because I thought people would judge me based on the fact that my legs jiggle when I walk, then I saw a video of a runway model whose legs also jiggled when she walked and I just gave up caring. I find I’ve been a much happier and confident person since accepting my body and I’m not afraid to try rocking new styles.

Basically, if you like something and it suits you and you feel confident in it then you be you and rock your body shape, just remember being healthy is the best thing and that your size or weight doesn’t define you!

Love you lots like jelly tots x


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