My Underwear Isn’t My Consent

The idea that the underwear you were defines whether or not your consent to anything is just pure disgusting. Sometimes wearing a thong is necessary to avoid a panty line…it doesn’t mean you automatically consent to any sexual activity. When I saw the Irish case of a 27 year old male that was found ‘not guilty’ of raping a 17 year old female on the grounds of her clothing and underwear I was absolutely horrified. I thought we were finally starting to bypass the stigma and victim blaming in regards to rape and sexual assault. A 5 year old child dressed in their pjs doesn’t asked to be raped, nor does a 25 year old out in a low cut bodysuit and skirt…NOBODY ASKS TO BE RAPED.

I can’t even imagine the amount of courage it took for the girl to come forward and for it to all just be thrown back in her face – it just goes to show how pronounced victim blaming is. Might I also mention that the barista that brought the underwear to light was female! What happened to girl power and feminism? As a result of the outcome the female has gone on to commit suicide which is absolutely terrible after the case left her feeling humiliated and degraded – something she would have already felt as a result of the rape itself.

I’m someone that has posted my fair share of posts all about sex including pictures of lingerie both on and off my body – that doesn’t mean I’m consenting to have sex with anyone. If I’m wearing matching underwear or cute lacey underwear I’m doing it for me, I’m not doing it to impress or seduce anyone…I’m doing it because it makes me feel bloody good.

I should feel comfortable going on a night out and wearing a cute lacey bodysuit with a pair of skinny jeans and heels…I shouldn’t be worried about what anyone else thinks but I do. I have big boobs which seems to mean if I show even a glimpse that I’m being overly sexually and making it okay for them to be stared at and commented upon. It’s not but it’s taken me years to accept my boobs and be comfortable with them – so why should someone that’s an A cup be able to wear cute bodysuits but I can’t?

In 2017 we had the #MeToo campaign all about sexual assault, sexual harassment and rape and I thought that brought a lot more light to the fact that the only form of consent is the word ‘yes’. Just because someone kissed you doesn’t mean they’re consenting to you coming home with them. Just because someone is wearing something revealing doesn’t give you the consent to go up and try to chat them up or flirt with them. Just because someone is wearing what is considered ‘sexy underwear’ doesn’t consent to you sleeping with them. Only them saying ‘yes’ is them giving you consent…and there needs to be a ‘yes’ every single time. Just because you slept with someone once doesn’t mean you can automatically assume they’ll want to sleep with you again.

I’m hoping that this case sheds even more light over the sexualisation of inanimate objects. Hopefully it won’t be brushed under the carpet and something with actually be done to highlight just how disgusting and just plain stupid it is to use someones underwear – a garment that isn’t intended for anyone else other than the wearer – as evidence in a rape case.


YOU ARE NOT ALONE


Despite what you are led to believe if are or know anyone that has been a victim of sexual harassment, assault or rape then there is someone out there that you can talk to. Even if you don’t wish to name your attacker you can receive help and support. When the #MeToo campaign was around Victoria shared some services you can contact and I wish to share them again;



Support Line – 01708 765200
Confidential emotional support for children, young adults and adults by telephone, email and post.

CISters (Surviving Rape and/or Sexual Abuse) – 02380 338080
Or you can email admin@cisters.org.uk
The helpline is available to female adult survivors of childhood rape/sexual abuse, and others can call if they have a concern about such issues.

The National Association for People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC)
Call 0808 801 0331 free from all landlines and mobiles.
The NAPAC provides a national freephone support line for adults who have suffered any type of abuse in childhood.

Rape Crisis Helpline – 0808 802 9999 (12-2:30 and 7-9:30)
rapecrisis.org.uk
National organisation offering support and counselling for those affected by rape and sexual abuse.

Victim Support Supportline – 0808 168 9111
Rape and sexual assault
The services are confidential, free and available to anyone who has been raped or sexually assaulted, now or in the past. They can help, regardless of whether you have told the police or anyone else about the attack. Their volunteers can visit you at home (if you want them to, and if doing so will not put you at further risk) or somewhere else if you prefer.

For Men
Survivors UK – Male Rape and Sexual Abuse Support
survivorsuk.org

For women
NHS Choices – Help after rape and sexual assault
https://www.nhs.uk/livewell/sexualhealth/pages/sexualassault.aspx
Sexual violence is a crime, no matter who commits it or where it happens.
Please don’t be afraid to get help.

#ThisIsNotConsent


Photography


All photos within this post were taken by myself on my Olympus Pen E-PL7 with 45mm lens in natural lighting. They were then edited on Lightroom CC.
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