I entered 2017 in a relationship, one which I was very happy to be in, but it turns out we weren’t meant to be and instead we are just best friends. Was I upset about the breakup? Of course, I was, but he let me rant and cry to him about it and we’ve still spoken every day since (some of you may think this is a bad thing and that I should just cut all contact, but that’s not how I am as a person…I need to know that someone isn’t going to walk out of my life just because we are no longer in a relationship.)
This got me thinking about my past relationships though and made me realise that I spent a majority of 2016 trying to please guys and be what they wanted that I didn’t concentrate on myself. Yes, 2016 was the year I had my sexual awakening, I lost my virginity and found an enjoyment in sex but I also realised that I only really have that enjoyment when the sex is someone that means something to me and that I actually have an emotional connection with. I have decided, however, that I would like to take some of 2017 to ‘date myself’ as such, my last relationship showed me that I don’t have to be scared about being comfortable around people and I shouldn’t force myself into being someone I’m not. I was completely comfortable around my ex straight from the start, I didn’t put in any special measures from the moment we started talking and it made me confirm that I am very much like marmite. You either love me or you hate me.
Am I sad about leaving the dating world? Sure of course I am but just because I’m dating myself doesn’t mean I can’t go out on dates, it just means I’m not going to go out of my way to get one. While single I would spend hours scrolling through Tinder last year, hoping to find someone that would actually want to go on a date rather than just to have sex. I was successful a couple of times but both situations ended with us just being friends and nothing else, not what you’d expect from a dating app but I was grateful for these new friendships I had built. I love the whole buzz of dating, getting dressed up and having a laugh with someone new (I’ve never had any bad experiences of dates) and then going separate ways before deciding if we want another date or not. I’m one of the biggest flirts going, I just naturally have a flirty personality (well according to people I meet anyway, although personally, I don’t think I could flirt my way out of a paper bag) and many conversations I have ended up in some harmless flirting or teasing but that doesn’t mean I’m interested or what to pursue anything.
Now you might be wondering what is in store for my sex life and yes while it may not be as active as it previously was, doesn’t mean it is going to disappear completely. I’m a university student which means sex is readily available should I want it, however, I’m quite happy to keep to myself I’ve never really liked the idea of casual sex but I have nothing against those that enjoy it. If anything I’m more upset about the fact that I not longer have anyone that I can prance around in cute lingerie for…does not mean I’m going to stop buying it, though! I’ll just have to wear it for myself instead (even though I kind of already did that…I mean what girl doesn’t love a set of matching underwear or a cute lace body?) I am one of these modern women that own their own sex life and sexual habits, yes I enjoy sex, yes I enjoy masturbating both being things that are completely natural and nobody would bat an eyelid if I was a guy. I’m a twenty-year-old woman, of course, I’m going to have urges and as long as I don’t hurt anyone while acting upon these urges there are no reasons as to why I shouldn’t.
I’m hoping to include more love, romance and sex on my blog in the future as I’m an adult and running a beauty, lifestyle and fashion blog made me feel very much like a child still and that I had to keep a ‘clean’ image for younger readers when truth be told that’s not who I am. Yes, I love beauty, lifestyle and fashion but I also love sex and romance and if this makes you uncomfortable then I understand but I will still be posting beauty and lifestyle posts that you can read and you can just avoid the ones on love, romance and sex.
Are you going to take some time this year to date yourself, if so how do you plan on doing so?