MY WEIGHT DOES NOT DEFINE ME
Since my mid-teens I’ve had curves, genetics had a part to play in this but so did having PCOS. I’d always been afraid of gaining weight and ending up fat, I’d had many freakouts and panic attacks when out shopping and I had to buy above a size 8. I suppose you could say that for a few years I suffered from slightly disordered eating, and still do from time to time, but I try not to let the fight in my head win. While I might eating the absolute best that I can every day, I love eating out and Dominos pizza, but a majority of the time I try to make an effort to cook meals and always try to hit my 5 a day.
In the past few months, I’ve gained quite a bit of weight (7-8kg to be exact) and after having my weight stable for the past 5 years it was a slight shock to one day weigh myself and discover how much weight I’d gained. I instantly tried dieting but meal replacement shakes and other fad diets did nothing, and I don’t know if I’ve accepted it now or if I have just grown into this weight gain more and it now sits more comfortably. I’m very much all about Unapologetically Loving My Curves and this weight gain could just be my body settling into how I’m going to be as an adult (since I did recently turn 21).
I’ve finally started branching back out when it comes to my style with thanks to Tobi*, I can’t help but feel amazing in their clothing. The dress I’m wearing in these photographs is the Leila Lace Scalloped Skater Dress* and while I’d never previously wear something quite so low cut, I actually love how it makes my boobs look (with a bralette underneath to give extra coverage and prevent any nip slips). Also considering I’m only 5’2 this dress hits me at the perfect length to make my legs look long and shapely without fear of flashing…plus I love how red looks with my pale skin and ginger hair, it’s a colour that always makes me feel amazing and it’s one bright colour I don’t shy away from.
SURRONDING MYSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE
Since I stopped reading women’s magazines I’ve become a lot more confident in my body, no longer am I being bombarded with images of tall, skinny and beautiful models and I feel like a slight pressure has been lifted. I now only read Blogosphere magazine and blog posts…mostly because that’s what interests me opposed to celebrity fad diets and whose dating who.
As well as only reading content which empowers the female body to be embraced I surround myself with people that don’t judge me on my weight or judge when I eat a whole main plus multiple sides at one sitting…or 3/4 of a large pizza, half a garlic bread, half a portion of wedges and 2 cookies. I’ve always had a healthy appetite, and I enjoy food and while at one point it was a comfort, now it’s just an enjoyment. Sam had barely noticed I’d gained any weight at all in the time I’d known him and other people were sure I’d lost weight…so this brings the issue of the number on the scale doesn’t always accurately reflect weight gain or weight loss as muscle mass weighs more than fat. I try to keep myself reasonably active but with a dissertation deadline around the corner I do find myself more often than not spending a whole day sitting at my computer writing, only moving to get a cup of tea or go to the bathroom. I am trying to hit at least 5,000 steps a day (not a lot but enough to be moving around), so that I’m getting some sort of exercise throughout the day.
“THE PROBLEM ISN’T WITH YOUR BODY, THE PROBLEM IS WHAT YOU THINK OF IT…AND WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF”
Rather than dwelling on weight gain and how my body looks I’m accepting it and instead I’m going to work on myself as a person, being more confident in myself and less self-critical. One thing I always remember when it comes to shooting fashion or outfit related content is that the camera adds 10lbs, so if I love how I look on camera I must love how I look in person. To be honest, I’ve been a lot more confident and comfortable in front of the camera since gaining weight, I feel more like myself and I know the person in the photo isn’t afraid of food, or carefully watches what they eat. I just do what I please and what makes me happy.
With blogging, it’s my own personal space, and anyone who wants to call me fat or leave disgusting hate comments can just leave and never return. Luckily to date, I’ve not had any issues with this and instead I’ve just had happy comments and I love it. I feel that because I’m influenced by Poppy Deyes and Chloe at The Little Plum more and more (with hints of Victoria at In The Frow) the former two having a very similar build to me. For example, I’ve spent ages watching Poppy rock dungarees and loved how they looked so I bit the bullet and picked some up…I absolutely adore them. They’re flattering and easy to style.
Are you working on your self-confidence? Or are you already pretty self-confident?
Love you lots like jelly tots x
All photos within this post were taken by my myself on my Olympus Pen E-PL7 in natural lighting. They were then edited on Photoshop CC 2015 and VSCO.